Hummingbirds Are Cool

Hummingbirds are cool

Hummingbirds are the coolest birds ever. Because they can hover. There. End of argument. Hovering wins against any other attribute.

There are lots of cool birds. Condors are cool, just because they're big in a wow-that's-really-massive way. Cormorants are cool. They can be trained to dive for fish and bring them to you. Who doesn't like a bird you can train to bring food? What if you could train a condor to bring you a steak? I bet they could bring the whole cow.

Parrots and cockateels and the whole parrot extended family certainly deserve consideration. Because they can talk. But it's not real conversation. Not like they're going to go on Jay Leno and yuck it up. Of course a parrot has probably already yucked it up with Jay Leno, beating me by a lifetime.

I heard that in Australia so many parrots have been released into the wild by owners who taught them curse words - and didn't realize they live for fifty years, because why would you set free your cursing parrot? - that now the released parrots are teaching the wild parrots to curse out in the jungle. With an Aussie accent.

Penguins get cool points for being cute and classy at the same time. I can't resist saying "no pun intended." For "cool" points. Never mind. All day long they get to play on a slip-and-slide made of ice. I got so sunburned and so scraped up on my slip-and-slide as a kid. Probably because we were under water restrictions at the time. I'm surprised there's no slip-and-slide app. Dibs.

And the waddle is completely endearing. If my co-workers at my last job waddled, I might have liked them better. But probably not. I wouldn't have minded if they had fins that kept them from typing pointless, long-winded, angry, accusatory, emails full of typos and sending me IMs to ask when I was going to be done with what I was working on when they IM'ed me. But if they had interrupted me to beg for fish, that would've been OK.

Other birds just can't come close. Pigeons are about as cool as rats with wings. Homing pigeons get a bit of a break, but not much. They're mailmen. And obsessive-compulsive. Vultures are a marvel because they eat stuff I can't, but the gross factor cancels out the cool. They would totally win Fear Factor. Crows and grackles are just plain annoying, although they possibly serve some function in the every-animal-adds-value earthly ecosystem. I just don't know what that is.

Ducks and geese? Average. Swans and peacocks? Classy, even beautiful, but not nifty. Not hovering.

Hummingbirds hover. They beat their wings so fast you can only see a blur! And it makes a low-pitched light-saber-esque whoosh when they fly by. "The Force is strong in this...bird." Other times it's a high pitch tsk-tsk-tsk sound. I think that means they're scolding someone. Might even be me. I was staring after all.

Based on messiness alone, the hummingbird feeder on our balcony is a total win vs the chickadee/sparrow bowl or the finch mesh sock. Those were a complete pain to clean up after. Although I do miss the chickadees. They're so cute, I just want to hug them and squeeze them and call them George. But not any cuter than hummingbirds. Who hover.

Yeah, sugar water - even with the time it takes to prepare it - wins against bird seed that has to be swept up all the time. No need to sweep up sugar water. Worst case you might need a mop. That would be a lot of sugar water.

Hummingbirds live on sugar water and tiny bugs they catch as they fly. Sort of like bikers. Except it would be beer and chicken wings and tiny bugs they catch as they fly. Down the road.

I suppose I can't give them coolness points for the iridescent heads, or peacocks would be back in contention. Except peacocks don't hover. That's definitely the trump card.

The other trump card is that I can stand out on my balcony three feet from the feeder and they still come for food! They don't mind me at all. No condors landing on my balcony. Or penguins. No condors landing on penguins either. Or even the other way around. Occasionally the hummers come towards me with the tsk-tsk-tsk sound. It's either a threat display, or they don't like the striped shirt I'm wearing with my plaid pants. Everyone's a critic.

Being enthralled by the whole hover ability means I'm even more impressed when I see one perch. That's when they look plain adorable. And then they hover again. Cool.

Favorite Apps

I've probably already mentioned that I'm pretty amazed at all the things a smartphone can do. We may not have transporters or warp drive yet, but we're darn close to tricorders. (I'm sure the iPhone 15 will come out with the ability to detect radiation and bone fractures.) In the meantime, here are some of the things of my favorite apps. (I've tried to note the ones that are iPhone only. And no, I'm not paid by Apple. Yet.)


Games: The Heist (iPhone only)
This puzzle game has been so much fun, I’m going to miss it when I’m done with the last 8 puzzles. It has 60 puzzles in four categories. The first type involves sliding Lincoln Logs out of the way to get a vacuum tube across a square to a connector. The second type is a colorful twist on Sudoku, with icons instead of numbers, and a grid that isn’t evenly arranged. These were my favorite. The next set involves a robot that you use to push diodes over to their connection slots. But you’re in a narrow maze and the robot can only push from behind, so you have to stay away from walls. The last group basically consists of picture puzzles, where you have to rearrange the tiles to put them in the correct order. Instead of pictures, the tiles contain snippets of wire that have to line up in the right way to complete one or more circuits. 


Runners up: 

• Star Wars Arcade: Falcon Gunner – it uses your phone’s camera to provide the backdrop that you play against 
• Civilization Revolution – a fun (and shorter) version of Civilization, but cramped on the iPhone 
• Risk – A quick way to dominate the world (on easy level) 
• Tetris – The old standby 

Social Media: Instagram (iPhone only for now, Android in the works)
I think this is a pretty cool concept. It’s Twitter, but instead of 140-character status updates, you upload photos from your phone. If someone is following you on Instagram, they see your photos in their feed. You can “like” photos (by clicking on a heart) and add comments. When you load a photo, you can share it via Twitter or Facebook. You can pull up your photos on any browser at Web.stagram.com, and you can check out statistics at statigr.am. Oh yeah, you can also apply one of 15 different artsy filters. I almost never do; they pretty much all look terrible to me. 


Runners up: 

• Tweetdeck – So I can post to both Twitter and Facebook at the same time 
• Twitter – I follow Steve Martin, Paula Poundstone, Stephen Colbert, Kiva, Biz Stone, and The Energy Project. 
• Facebook – To check the news feed, and respond to notifications 
• LinkedIn – Good for responding to notifications 

News: CNN Money
CNN Money does not have the best writing – that has to go to the runners up, New York Times and The Economist. However, the writing is catchy. And it’s light enough that I can read it in between sets when I’m doing bench press or squat workouts at the gym. That’s right, instead of listening to music when I work out, I read. Maybe if someone wrote songs about the news each day – that’s music I’d work out to. 


Runners up: 

• NYTimes – especially since the speeded up the load time 
• The Economist – best writing, ever. 

Reference: Google Maps
Seems like I’m always driving someplace new out here, so being able to call up a map at any time is a lot of help. The traffic feature is nice too, since I don’t know the traffic patterns out here either. I am a bit concerned that one day – when the machines decide to get rid of us pesky humans – Google maps is going to give me directions to drive off a cliff, and I’ll just do it. So I occasionally go a different route than the one it recommends. Of course, I always regret it and vow never to doubt Google again. 


Runners up: 

• Wikipedia – Great for shutting down a conversation debating any fact 
• Google Translate – I’m working on my Spanish vocabulary 
• Stocks – To look at the markets more often than a long-term investor should. 

Productivity: Evernote
I’m a total note taker. I have several notebooks of notes I’ll never refer back to. Now I’m saving the trees and keeping that info in someone’s datacenter, where it can be tagged, indexed, and searched. Am I worried that someone is going to hack in and get my data? Only if there is a market for old rental car reservations, Christmas gift lists, and topics I’ve already written about, or no one would want to write about. Hmm…maybe I should be worried after all. 


Runners up: 

• Notes – I keep my gym workouts on here, instead of carrying around a notebook 
• Reminders – coming with iOS 5, I’m hoping this to-do list is as good as Apple says.

Those are the apps I like the best and use the most. I'm eager to see what will come out next, as well as anything good out there that I've missed. Let me 

What's your favorite smartphone app?